|Wednesday, September 25th, 2002|
*Walks in, sees the chair gone, kneels on the ground*
...This was supposed to be fun, about figuring out new things. And now there's what... 2...3 people left? I know I'm not leaving. I only have a week left... I can't give up now. I just feel really alone. But I refuse to give up.
*Turns off camera, walks out*
|Tuesday, September 24th, 2002|
I'm leaving... i'm just too busy and distracted to be a part of this anymore...
-gets up to leave; taking the camera and wheeling out the chair with him- Current Mood: amused
|Wednesday, September 18th, 2002|
I cannot take it anymore.
I swear, i have tried. I came back, i have noticed me being hidden in my room. I'm not interacting, and either is anyone else. This is getting old. I love everyone in this house... but with Mike in the hospital and Aimee being depressed... its killing me. I know we haven't been as close as we could... BUT i just am stressed that all this is happening. I do have a reason to be in NYC again... i have my Kitty, my Jimmy and Steve... and i don't want to be here. I'm getting depressed.
I'm over Mike. I had a thing for him. But we have drifted. I dunno why. It makes me really sad. He was a great friend. And i tried to be that to him. But not everyone gets what they want.
And Aimee... i swear i will come visit her sometime... but i'm out of here... for the last time.
Sorry for all this shit... but we all have our things, and with me gone. I'm sure no one will notice. I will miss everyone... please leave me a comment on my diary or something... maybe we can remain friends... i would love to try.
Best luck to all... i miss you already... but for the last time. Goodbye.
|Tuesday, September 17th, 2002|
Mike is in the hospital
*walks out to everyone and pauses*
Mike hasn't been around for the past few days because he's in the Santa Monica hospital. He had a seizure. He has Epilepsy [sp?} so I don't know when he will be back. I'm thinking that since the time is slowly winding down we should have a welcome back party for him when he comes back to the house. In the mean time, I'm gonna go visit him tonight if anyone wants to come, you're more than welcome to. Maybe I'll stop by and get something for him from Carls Junior or something because hospital food is nasty
|Sunday, September 15th, 2002|
I am just going home overnight, I'll be back bright and early tomorrow morning. I decided that I'm not going to leave.
I don't want to be here... I want to be somewhere else... with someone else... even though this someone else doesn't know it.
-looks down and picks at his chipped nail varnish- it's so dull in here... and this confessional thing seems to be dragging out my thoughts so i've got to get out of here...
and there's no way that i'm going to Boot Camp. Current Mood: sad
I am so fucking confucked right now.
I don't get it... maybe i'm to fucking stupid or drunk whatever... but i feel like Mike is fuckign with my head.
I mean, i obviously have a thing for him. He knows this. The whole fucking world knows this.
And he keeps saying random things to me... and i get so fucking confused... now him and Chaz are getting married?
I wish them luck, truthfully.
But i'm so jealous. I like Mike... =sighs= He is the reason i came back... him and Aimee...
Now i feel like all this is going to hell, Aimee is unhappy, and Mike is just... Why can't i have what i want
=puts head in hands, starts sobbing... covers camera with hand and turns it off=
|Friday, September 13th, 2002|
I'm thinking of leaving the house. I'm really not doing anybody any good here.... and I really don't talk to anybody but Mike, Vanessa, and Spanky... ::sigh:: I don't know what more to say. I feel like I'm in a million different places. I'm not sure if I can continue it mentally.
|Thursday, September 12th, 2002|
*sits down in confessional chair; belches*
Ahhhh *scratches self* I think the other roommates are going to criticize the fact that I keep going out by myself. Fuck. At least I dont bring people back every night right? Besides, can't let everyone know I actually had fucking feelings for a woman. Fucking suicide, man.
You see, I'm an asshole. I always have been. An ass and a ladies man... Hence the pimp coat [lol... 'Nessa should know what I'm saying...]
Wayne keeps talking about mud wrestling. I think he and I should go pick up chicks. And kick people in the head. Current Mood: drunk
Wee, confession time.
*runs into the confessional singing*You don't give you. You're my stalker. Leave me be.
*sits down and grins* I made pizza last night!!!
And we didn't have much of a ghetto day. *sniffle* Not everyone was around to see my rapping skills and shaking my ass. I even got some money! And some slaps, woo! So to all of you who missed my getto-ness: YOU SUCK!
*ahem* I am done. *shakes ass for camera and leaves*
|Wednesday, September 11th, 2002|
I'm so fucking drunk right now that i shouldn't be in confessional... i really shouldn't. Some odd truth may come out... like that I really think most of the people in this house are really fucking hot...
Wayne too... i'm glad he's visiting... he brings me booze =kisses to wayne=
I wish Mike had never met Anna... she's so unfair to him... i love the guy... i really do. God... i need to shut the fuck up and go break some more expensive stuff with Wayne tonight... byyeyeyeye!
=stumbles out of room forgetting to turn off camera=
|Tuesday, September 10th, 2002|
AAAAAANAAARCHY!!! GET IN HERE YOU TERRIAKI MOFO'S!
*takes a drink of her midori sour and grins as she walks down the stairs with her skateboard*
Hey all of you sons of bitches!!!! where the fuck are you????
*almost falls but stumbles drunkenly into the living room and sets down her drink then hops onto her skateboard and skates down the hall and accidentaly knocks a vase off of a table*
*walks outside to where wayne is in the front*
errr...I broke something heh. Got any super glue????
MIke is doing Amir of the Desert tonight
and im doing Jay-Z 'Can I Get A' Current Mood: amused
-sits down; stares at the camera boredly, bottle of wine in one hand-
So, what am I supposed to confess? I confess that I have had too much wine. I also confess that I can hear Wayne destroying the front garden...
Am I also supposed to say something dramatic...?
...I think someone has stolen my socks. Current Mood: amused
< blasts FLAW >
aghem well fuck this is boring, you guys either all fight or like not talk to each other so tonight I'm going to tear the whole house apart bitches.
just need to get some alcohol, a huge mudpool in the backyard, and I'm up for mud wrestling Johnny! Motherfucker come the fuck out and tear this motherfucking shit with me. or even better I'm going to get my motorcross bike and bye bye flowers out in the fucking backyard..
yes I also must rewire the 200 watt speakers to the outside
< moshes into the wall to Mudvayne > Current Mood: good
=plops down in chair=
Where to go from here?
I have no fucking idea. I'm torn emotionally... i never have felt the way i do right now... I'm usually fucking crazy and hyper and weird... but right now i'm so worried about everyone around me to have fun.
Mike seems happy in the house, but i know his life outside of it, and i know how much he hurts, and it rips me apart... because i really really care about him.
I'm glad he also has Aimee, she's an amazing person... and i'm glad she is so good to him. He deserves that =sighs=
Anyway... its not just him that's on my mind. Its New York, its Kitty and Jimmy and Steve... my extended family. I just got reunited with my old band, and i cannot even stay long enough to really see them. It is killing me.
And then this whole thing with Johnny... =sighs= Who the fuck knew he would look at me as more than a piece of ass? What the fuck am i supposed to do with that... =picks up bottle of Absolut= This will work.
=turns off camera=
I havent been in here much the past few days now that fucking Vanessa is back. I mean, what the fuck... I don't want people to know I actually had fucking feelings for her and she pissed me off when she up and left and fucking dismissed all this shit about what we had.
So I'm angry and miserable. Fuck it. Current Mood: pissed
|Monday, September 9th, 2002|
my fucking confessional
FUCK ALL OF YOU. The world can go to hell in a hand basket. Oh wait, we're already going there!
exploring the motherfucking house
< walks around the house >
woah so many fucking rooms I have to invade one of them tonight, and Christmas for everyone! free bottles of vodka if I like you! if not well fuck......go get you own bottle.
< walks into a room >
holy fuck its fucking dark
< walks into a wall >
this must be umm Manson's I'm not sure but fucking awww that hurt.
< puts a box of alcohol on the floor > Merry fucking Christmas man!
< walks in >
< walks out >
did not need to see Mark tied up to a bed, sick!!!!!!!!!
TV!!!!!!!!! I see a TV holy shit time to rewire that bitch. Current Mood: restless
Vanessa is back. that kix ass! Wayne is visiting for a while? Uh oh, I think that spells trouble. hah.